Maytagged (12/17/08)

There is nothing like a boogie board, a pair of fins, a 6 foot swell and a double-nonfat-latte on a Sunday morning to conjure up one's youthful memories and dreams. Now, almost a week later, as I sit in the vapors of menthol, camphor; Tiger Balm radiating from my ankle, knee, and shoulder, my memories of youth have given way to the reality of age. But like a dog who has tangled with a porcupine, I want revenge. And I still have the same dreams.

The day started early and the beach was almost empty. Our beach chairs had barely touched down when my companions had broken out the Sunday morning crossword puzzle and the latest Sue Grafton novel. I was still nursing the last few fingers of my latte as rising swell after rising swell attacked the beach.

"Now or never," I thought. "But I'll leave the boogie board on the beach and just try body surfing."

After strapping my fins on (the wrong feet and upside down), I swam out through the shore break. The taste of salt water was in my mouth and the heat of the morning sun was on my back. Diving through each on-coming wave, I kept thinking, "Damn, I don't recall these fins hurting so much."

Finally, after going haule a few times, I reached the take off point, where a few local boys were waiting for the next set. I was happy they were there so I could get an up close look at their technique. The guy closest to me surveyed the oncoming wave and started back stroking towards shore. As the wave lifted him up, he flipped over on his stomach and began his decent down the face of the wave.

"Da Kine!" I thought. "He didn't even have to swim hard to catch that one."

Being the emulator that I am, I did the same with the next swell. The results were the same. The swell picked me up as I kicked madly, flipped over, extended my arm and began surfing down the face of the swell like a seal. For the first time, after seemingly countless hours of thinking I was body surfing - I was finally body surfing. I was stoked, I was bad, I was the man, I was in trouble because there was only a foot of water between me and the sandy bottom below.

But I've been in this position before, so I ducked back into the swell, as it washed over me, sucking both fins off, rolling me over and over and over, holding me down, giving me the double-wash and rinse maytag treatment, kicking my ass and spitting me out.

I eventually found my fins, learned how to put them on correctly, and headed out for more abuse.

I love it when dreams come true.